The name of this post, as may sound very interesting, is very much true for state of men in this fast paced era. Societal pressures are particularly suffocating to one’s psyche , especially true for the man in any common household, as he has to deal with them on his own. Another often misused cliche is “mard ko dard nahi hota”. This has to be one of the most insensitive thoughts family members can have about the men in the family. People have this perception that since Indian society is patriarchal, hence conclusion it’s a man’s world but it’s certainly not.
Keeping the family honor, is singularly put on our drooping shoulders. He is supposed to be primary bread winner for the family.What is not realized is that that it may very well be that straw that broke the camel’s back. People are so primitive in their thinking that these things are never discussed. They just shrug their shoulders saying they’re just doing their duty , hence not worth worth acknowledging. We have the strange case of overbearing parents that just ram their own unfulfilled aspirations down the throats of their sons (particularly), thus sowing the seeds for a certain family discord if not disintegration
Further, if these aggravating factors weren’t enough, men in general tend to keep a poor emotional health. They are less open to discussing intimate details of their emotional state of mind and hence these are bottled up for years together.They have no proper outlets to vent out their emotions. Its often the case to lose touch with friends and well wishers once married. Now the man’s single aim in life is to become the beast of burden for his family. Discussing emotional issues even with parents is not viewed kindly. It’s shown as a sign of inherent weakness, making us, an object of either ridicule or be ignored entirely.
Going thru some statistics available on the internet, I found out, male suicide rates are double than that of women. This is a damning indictment of how our family system has ignored men’s emotional welfare.On of the main reasons attributed to this disturbing statistics is family problems men face in their daily life. I’m not even discussing the work life pressure , because that’s a another topic to be taken up later.
We truly live in an era where “A man’s tears have no value” (Italics mine for emphasis).The situation is so dire that we have a scary situation of having a generation of widows with their husband’s dying a premature death. We need not look far for this. Just a look in our own family will prove this right. The consequence is that large population of children (of impressionable age), are fatherless and have to fend for their own. Whether sons or daughters , the brunt of having a fatherless childhood is too painful to be washed away with sands of time.
However not all is lost. Some measure can be indeed taken on this front to make men more self-dependent and having a healthy life ahead. Some of the important points are as below (In no particular order):
1. Find a Mentor. He/she may be a relative with a level head , or a friend, even a colleague. Find this person at the earliest because he/she may be in best position to guide you through the stormy seas of emotional turmoil.
2. Acknowledging if the problem is not solved or is exacerbated by for any reason. Denial serves no purpose.
3. Talk, talk , talk. In many cases , there’s simply no need to bottle up our thoughts and keep our minds on the edge. It’s the first positive step you can take for this.If married talk it over to your spouse. She’s in the best position to understand and suggest solutions. Also this reduces inhibitions one has in speaking up one’s mind.
4.One should keep a small social circle actively. This is what women do better than men. This is the support group which you can rely open. This is a long term solution and needs emotional capital being created and spent on nurturing relationships that help in those rainy days.
5. Seek external help: When none of the above solutions help, seeking external help in case of a physiologist may help. There’s no shame or stigma in seeking professional help if one is in crisis.
Please share this article if you like what you read. and I’ll see you in my next post..